As parents, we are constantly preventing our children from harming themselves.
That's just what we do.
Because we LOVE them and we can't stand the thought of them being in pain.
But there are also times where we find ourselves saving them from life or death situations.
And I just had my first glimpse at one of those situations.
It happened this past Sunday.
My daughter nearly gave me a heart attack. Our apartment is on the second floor and right outside our door is the staircase..
We got home from Walmart and like usual, I began putting the groceries away and since my husband was still bringing bags up, the door was slightly cracked.
Usually, when we put groceries up, my one year old tries to "help" by taking everything out of the bags but since we put them on the table, she was unable to reach them.
As I was going through the bags on the table, trying to sort through the cold and dry foods, I noticed the door opening out of the corner of my eye. At first, I thought it was my husband coming in with more groceries but when I didn't see him come in the door, I was paralyzed with fear realizing that my daughter had opened the door.
And in the two seconds it took me to whip the door open, I found her standing at the top of the staircase looking down as if she was thinking about how she was going to make her way down them.
I picked her up, took her in the apartment and slammed the door shut behind me and then held her in my arms for a minute or so because all I could think about was... "what if I didn't see the open door sooner?" She could have fallen down the stairs and severely hurt herself, or the more plausible outcome that I can't bring myself to think about.. what if she had killed herself?
This was hands down, one of the scariest things I have ever experienced. The thought of losing my daughter absolutely TERRIFIES me and I'd NEVER be able to live with myself if something happened to her while my attention was elsewhere for a few seconds.
I don't want anyone reading this to think that I am always this "careless" with my daughter, because I'm not. I'm actually pretty far from careless.
My husband and I have taken EVERY possible measure to prevent her from harming herself out of curiosity:
ALL of the outlets are covered,
the lower cabinets are childproofed,
the interior doors have knob covers,
and we keep ALL of the cleaning supplies on the very top shelf (where I can barely reach them myself) in a closet that she can't open.
We also keep the windows closed at ALL times and keep ALL the doors closed except for her bedroom door which is propped open.
I even removed the bottom shelves on one of my bookshelves to prevent her from trying to climb on them and tipping the bookshelf over on her.
I also lather her in sunscreen ANY and EVERY time we go outside for ANY reason or amount of time.
But no matter how hard I try, I can't protect her from everything.
I wish I could but in order to do that, I'd probably have to wrap her in bubble wrap and never let her leave my sight but that wouldn't benefit either of us.
I wouldn't be able to get anything done and she wouldn't have any opportunities to learn or be independent.
Moral of the story: shit happens.
No parent is perfect. We make mistakes..but that's okay. We LEARN from those mistakes and they make us into better parents.
I can guarantee you that after the scare I experienced this week, I will no longer leave the door cracked for ANY reason while my daughter is roaming around in the apartment.
In my opinion ALL first time parents are just "winging it" because let's be honest.. none of us really have a clue what we're doing. We're just trying to make sure our kids are happy, healthy, and loved while trying not to lose our sanity in the process.
Parenthood is like a rollercoaster that never ends and for me, it's only beginning.
I'm sure I'll have my fair share of ups and downs.
I'm sure there will be days where I feel like pulling my hair out and calling it quits but I won't. You want to know why?
Because becoming a parent is the BEST thing that has ever happened to me and I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING.
I have a little girl who looks up to me, whose whole world revolves around me and you know what? The feeling is mutual because she IS MY WORLD. I love her more than anything in the universe. I'd gladly lay down my life for her and I'd do anything for her (except listen to baby Shark on repeat for an hour... that shit gets old, FAST).
So if there are any mommas reading this, I just want you to know that it's okay to not be perfect. Your child doesn't care if you're perfect or rich or successful. ALL that your child cares about is how much you LOVE them.